The Eighth Millennium Item!? - A Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanfic

[Litzana]

Um... I wrote a fanfic for Yu-Gi-Oh!, but I don't know where to put it... So I put it here.
These events take place after Battle City and before the next series.

Yu-Gi-Oh! The eighth Millennium Item!?

Chapter one: An albino!?
"Bakura, what’s got into you today?”
It was lunchtime at Domino City High School. A small group of 11th graders sat in their form room, eating lunch and watching two of their members play ‘Duel Monsters’ – a favourite game for their year group.
“Aw, Yugi, that’s unfair!”
“No it wasn’t, Joey. I placed Magical Cylinder there at the beginning of the duel. You need to consider all your options, and the opponents cards, before you make such a risky attack.”
“Yeah, I know, Yugi, but that was mean.”
Yugi Mutoh was very small for his age. He had totally wacky hair and carried a pyramid-shaped pendant around his neck.
Joey Wheeler, in contrast, was tall and blonde, and had a tendency to make very rash decisions.
Ryou Bakura, a tall, white-haired English boy, interrupted Joey.
“Yes, Yugi, that was mean. You need to remember that not everyone is as skilled as you are.”
“Ooohh… Owned!”
Tristan Taylor laughed good-naturedly. Tristan was Joeys best friend, the ‘muscles’ of the group. He gelled his hair into a point every morning.
“Helloooo… Earth to Bakura! I asked you a question!”
“What?”
“Oh, seriously…” This was Tea Gardener. She was a quiet, sensible girl with a secret crush on Yugi. “I asked why you were so happy today.”
“What… Oh, right!”
Bakura smiled, his face lighting up. “My cousin is flying here from England today!”
Yugi smiled up at Bakura. “That’s great, Bakura!”
“Her name is Kerah,” gushed Bakura. “She’s really nice. I’m sure you’ll like her.”
“What does she look like?” asked Tristan. Tea flashed him a ‘warning’ look.
“You’ll se tomorrow,” said Bakura brightly. “But, one thing I must say is…”
Typically, the bell rang then for the end of lunch. There was a flurry of activity as the group packed away.
“What were you saying, Bakura?” asked Yugi as their classmates filed in.
“I’ll tell you later,” Bakura said, manuvering around people to get to his own desk.

That night, Yugi sat on his bed, thinking.
“I wonder if Kerah will be nice,” he said. “What do you think, Yami?”
The translucent shade of the Egyptian Pharaoh faded into view, leaning against the far wall.
“I’m not sure, Yugi. I have a bad feeling something will happen.”
Yugi contemplated this. “What kind of thing?”
“I don’t know. But, after the events of the last few weeks, I would be careful.”
Yugi nodded. He trusted the Pharaoh completely.
He got up and hung the Millennium Puzzle on a peg on the wall. It dangled there, by its chain.
“Well, goodnight, Pharaoh.”
“Goodnight, Yugi.” The Egyptian spirit faded out of sight as Yugi fell asleep.

The next day, Bakura was almost shivering with anticipation.
“Whoa, calm down, Bakura!” said Joey, as Bakura flashed past him, Yugi, Tristan and Tea on the way to school.
Unseen by anyone but Yugi, Yami was also walking with the group, looking out for anyone that might be Kerah.
“There, Yugi.” Yami pointed out a petite girl, not much taller than Yugi himself, with the characteristic Bakura white hair. Yugi nudged Joey, but the girl was swallowed up by the crowd.
“What?”
“Never mind.”

In class, Bakura sat on the edge of his seat, waiting for Kerah to walk in.
“Bakura seems to be happy about his cousin arriving,” pointed out Tea, looking pointedly at Bakura.
“Well, he would be. He’s been the only English person in the school for a while. Maybe he wants some company.”
“Yeah, so thay can talk about English things, like Tea.”
“Tristan, that was mean.”
“Sorry, Yugi.”

“Class, I would like to introduce Kerah. She’s an exchange student from England, and will be staying with us for about a month. Please welcome her.”
The teacher opened the classroom door, and the girl that Yami had spotted hesitantly walked in.
She was an odd girl. She wore the same uniform as the rest of the girls, but she wore it differently, like she couldn’t wait to get it off. She had long, waist-length hair that wasn’t white, like Bakuras, but colorless. The fringe partially covered her face.
The most striking thing about this girl was her very pale skin and her eyes. Instead of any normal color, they were pink.
Whispers started up around the room.
“An albino…”
“M-my name is Kerah Bakura. Like your teacher said, I’m on exchange from England. I’m Ryou’s cousin.”
“Yugi, look at Bakura!” Yami had materialised sitting on the edge of Yugis desk, and had spotted something very odd happening to Bakura.
The front of Bakuras jacket was rising, right on top of where Yugi knew the Millennium Ring was hidden.
Bakura had noticed too, and quickly put a hand on his chest to push down the Rings sensors. He covered this motion with a cough.
“Well, that was nice. Let’s see… There’s an empty desk next to your cousin. You can sit there for now.”
Kerah smiled gratefully and moved around people to get to her desk. Heads turned to watch her as she passed.

[Yellow]

I love it, great dialog and I think you hit the right tone with the description. I'm interested to see where this story goes. And lame joke time:

but she wore it differently, like she couldn’t wait to get it off.

That's what she said!
*cough* Sorry. But yeah, this shaping up good though. Keep up the good work. ^_^

[Litzana]

Rofl. Good one.

Next chapters:

Chapter two: Acceptance
Morning break. Immediately, Bakura and Kerah were surrounded by curious guys wanting to look a little closer at the pretty new girl.
"Comin' through, comin' through. Hey, Bakura!"
Joey bulled a way through the throng. Yugi followed.
"Hello, Joey, Yugi! This is my cousin, Kerah."
Joey eyed Kerah. "So this is what you were going to tell us bout? That she's an albino?"
"Yes. I should really have warned you all..." he turned to his cousin. "Do you still have that amulet that my dad gave you?"
"Yes, Ryou, but why?"
Bakura gestured to Yugis Puzzle, and his Ring. "Yugi might want to see it. He's got an artefact just like it."
"Okay.." Kerah reached for a silver necklace chain that hung around her neck and pulled it out. Hanging from it was an amulet, about half the size of the Rings main circle.
The Millennium Ring glowed slightly in its prescence, and pointed to it.
Immediately, Yami materialised again.
"Yugi..."
"I know."
The amulet had the Eye on it, that embossed all of the Millennium Items.
"I thought there were only seven!"
"I thought that too. Evidently not."
"Maybe it's a fake..."
"No. I can sense its power from here. That amulet is malevolent, and powerful."
Bakura pulled Yugi to one side. "Is it real? The Ring sensed it, so..."
Yugi was slightly frightened by the hungry look in Bakuras eyes.
"Um..." He looked to Yami for assistance. Yami shook his head slightly. "I don't know. We'll see..."
The Spirit of the Ring, looking out through Bakuras eyes, frowned.
"You don't know..?"
"No."
Bakura sighed and returned to his cousin. "Kerah, I'll show you around. Thanks, Yugi!" For nothing, said the Spirit in his head.

The rest of the day passed as normal. A bit more staring, a bit more whispers, as Kerah was accepted into their circle of friends.
At the end of the day, as class ended, Kerah was putting her books away when a tall, mean boy in the grade above bashed into her, knocking her to the ground.
"Whoops... Sorry, whitey. Didn't seeya there." He walked away, laughing.
Joey narrowed his eyes. "Just gimme a minute, and I'll teach dat guy some good manners..."
"No. Leave it. I'm OK." Kerah gotup and began to collect her books from the floor where they had dropped. Yugi and Bakura bent down to help.
Kerah retrieved a duel disk from where it had fallen from her bag, under a desk.
"Oh.. You play Duel Monsters too?"
Kerah was surprised. "Yes... I really love the game." She handed Yugi her duel disk to hold while she placed her books back.
Yugi examined her Duel Disk, Yami looking over his shoulder. It was a golden color, and it had... "That is the Millennium symbol..." noted Yami. And, indeed, there it was, the Eye that adorned all the Millennium Items straddling the place where there should be a red dome.
"Yeah, I customised it a bit. To match my amulet, you know?" Kerah had noticed Yugi looking at the decoration.
She took her Duel Disk back off him and slotted it in place on her arm.
"Hey, Kerah, what about a duel?" said Joey. He wanted to show off, as usual.
"Sure, but not now. I got myself a part-time job to keep me going while I stayed. Maybe tomorrow, at lunch." Kerah walked away.

"Hey, Grandpa, I'm home!" Said Yugi, walking through the door of the Kame Game store. He manuvered the shelves, expecting to see his Grandpa behind the counter, but instead seeing - Kerah.
"Oh, hey, Yugi. Your Grandpa took me on as a counter girl for a while."
Yugi smiled. "Did he? Great!" He walked over to the side of the counter, where a set of stairs led up to the flat above the shop. He entered his room, then slung his bag off, flopping down on his bed. "Yami?"
"Yes, Yugi?" The Pharaoh materialised, again, leaning against the wall.
"I think I understand what you meant when you said a malevolent prescence. It made me feel slightly ill when I walked past her."
"Are you alright now?"
"Yes... It was only brief." Yugi took off his Millennium Puzzle, placing it on his bed and drawing his deck from the pouch on his belt where he kept it. He flicked through the cards, stopping on the Dark Magician. He looked at it for a while, then sighed and put his deck away, picking up his Duel Disk from beside his bed and slotting it onto his arm.
"Hey, Yugi!"
"Yugi?"
Joey and Teas voice floated up the stairs.
"Coming!" Yugi got up and snatched up the Puzzle, putting the chain around his neck as he ran down the staircase.

Chapter three: Duel one: YamiKerah versus YamiBakura
Later that day...
Kerah rummaged in her pocket for the keys that Ryou had given her to his small flat.
"You can stay with me," he had said.
She unlocked the door and stepped inside, hastily walking past Ryou's room to reach her own. Once inside, she immediately shrugged off the horrible school uniform and put on a powder-blue shirt and a longer skirt. "Much better," she thought.
By now the sky was pretty dark. Mr. Mutoh had kept her in until closing time, six o'clock, and it had taken her a while to walk to Ryous home.
Suddenly - everything went black for Kerah as the malevolent spirit hiding in the Amulet took control. Kerah would think it was a loss of memory - amnesia. She always did.
The spirit looked around, slightly disoriented. She opened the door to her room, then thought better as she heard Ryou moving around in his.
She crossed the room to the window, and looked out. It was a straight drop to the floor.
She opened the window and jumped out, her shirt flapping as she dropped to the pavement.
"And where are you going?"
Kerah froze, considering her options. She could run, now, or turn around. She also had her amulet, and she could use it... But if the person behind her was who she thought he was, then its powers should remain unknown for now.
She turned around. "Oh, Ryou, it's you." But it wasn't Ryou. She could sense that straight away. He stood differently, he held himself differently, even his hair fell over his face differently.
They stood for a moment, looking at each other.
"You aren't Kerah," said 'Ryou' suddenly.
"Neither are you Ryou," said 'Kerah'.
"So if you aren't Kerah, who are you? And why, pray tell, do you have a Millennium Item that no-ones ever seen or even heard of?" As if in confirmation, the Millennium Ring glowed again, pointing its Sensors at the Amulet concealed beneath 'Kerah's shirt.
"This?" 'Kerah' pulled out the Amulet by its chain. "I'm not surprised that you haven't heard of it. It was made in secret, using cast-off scraps from the other Seven."
"So what does it have to do with you?"
'Kerah' narrowed her eyes, as if the memory was painful. "I was sealed inside it by the man that my other half loved."
Silence.
Bakura thought. If this girl was who he thought she was, then... "Seto?"
"You knew him? Who are you?"
"My name is Bakura."
"No. Your hosts name is Bakura."
"No. My name is Bakura."
'Kerah' looked impressed. "You found a host with the same name as you? Impressive."
Bakura looked at her. Really looked at her. If this was who he thought it was, then he ought to be really careful... But, he was a risk-taker. "So, Seto sealed you inside that Amulet, and then...?"
"I waited. I grew stronger, I figured out how to summon monsters directly from the Shadow Realm. I found out the myriad powers of the Amulet. I plotted my revenge."
Bakura smirked. "But Seto is dead. How are you going to revenge yourself on a dead person?"
"Idiot." 'Kerah' turned and slowly walked away from Bakura. "I know that. I'm going to do the next best thing - Kaiba."
"Kaiba? You'll never get close enough to him. He refuses to duel anyone that can't stand up to Yugi."
"I can beat Yugi."
"You can't beat the Pharaoh, though. I guarantee it."
'Kerah' turned round, her eyes piercing the now black alleyway. She switched her Duel Disk from Standby to Duel mode.
"Want to see how good I am?"
Bakura smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Of course. But... not here. Here is too public - anyone could walk past."
"Good point." 'Kerah' tapped her foot impatiently. "Where, then?"
Bakura looked up. Above his head was a fire escape. He looked back and grinned.
"Not the- "
"I'll see you on the roof..." Bakura jumped and grabbed the iron grille, swinging himself onto the fire escape.
'Kerah' shook her head and headed for the ladder.

As 'Kerah' emerged onto the roof, she saw Bakura standing opposite her with his back turned, his long white hair and powder-blue shirt whipping in a sudden wind.
"There," he said, turning round. "Now there's a much less chance of an unexpected visitor."
Kerah nodded. "And now... Let's duel!"
Both Bakura and Kerah held out their arms and the hologram emitters shot out with a hiss of compressed air. Both drew five cards from their decks.
Kerah looked at her starting hand. All monsters... Sangan, Battle Ox, Giant Soldier of Stone, Rouge Doll and Hane-Hane. Hmm...
Bakura looked up from his hand. "Because I'm such a gentleman, I'll let you go first."
"I appreciate it." Kerah drew a card. Battle Ox again.. I suppose when I get to my attacking phase of my strategy, two Battle Ox's would come in useful. "I summon Giant Soldier of Stone in Defense Mode, and end my turn." The monster materialised kneeling down with it's stone swords crossed in front of it's chest.
Bakura grimaced. Giant Soldier of Stone, with 2000 Defense Points, was an almost impenetrable defense for so early in the duel. He rew, signalling the beginning of his turn. "I'll set one monster face-down, and end my turn." A face-down card appeared on the field. Kerah smirked.
"You'll have to do better than that, Bakura." She drew. Ah, good, a trap. Acid Trap Hole would do well in destroying his facedown... I'll set it on the field for now. "I set one Monster card face down and one other card. Turn over."
Bakura drew. Damn! No monster... I can't play anything. I'll have to pass for now. "I can do nothing. Turn over."
Kerah grinned and drew. Ah! Horn of the Unicorn! Perfect! "I summon Rouge Doll to the field, in Attack Mode." The Doll materialised on the field next to her defensive Soldier. "And... I attack your face-down card!"
Rouge Doll attacked the card with a burst of dark magic, and the card flipped up. Kerah saw a glimpse of Poison Mummy before its effect hit her. "Grah!" She exclaimed, wincing as her Life Point counter lost 500 points.
"Wait, there's more..." Bakura laughed. "Your Rouge Doll has 1600 attack points, and my Mummy has 1800 defense points. That means you lose a further 200LP!" Poison Mummy repelled Rouge Dolls attack with a powerful sweep of its arm.
Kerah winced again. "I end my turn."
"I'm glad you do." Bakura drew. Sword of Deep-Seated, hmm? I can attach that to my Mummy... "I Set one monster and one other card, and activate Sword of Deep-Seated, equipping it to my Poison Mummy. That ends my turn, I think."
Kerah nodded and drew. "Good move... Now, whatever I play I won't be able to get through your defense. Unless I do this.." She looked at the cards in her hand. I just drew Dragon Treasure, which is currently useless... So... "I summon Battle Ox in attack mode."
The card appeared on the field, and the Battle Ox, half man, half beast with a furious axe, materialised. "And then... I activate Horn of the Unicorn to increase his Attack Points to 2400!"
The spiralling silver horn appeared on the Oxes forehead... then dissappeared as the card was destroyed. "What!?"
Bakura chuckled. "You should always consider your opponents cards... I activated Magic Jammer on your precious Horn. Now it can wait out the duel in the graveyard!"
"Not so, Bakura! The Horn of the Unicorn returns to the Deck when it is destroyed. You just prolonged your defeat!"
Bakura scowled and Kerah returned the Horn to the top of her Deck.
Kerah grinned again. "And to add insult to injury, I activate my second facedown... Acid Trap Hole!" A deep pit of bubbling acid appeared under Bakuras facedown monster. "If your monster has less than 2000 Defense Points, it gets destroyed..."
The card flipped up, revealing a second Poison Mummy. "Oops! To the graveyard with that! Nice try, Bakura."
Poison Mummy fell into the pit.
"And with that - I end my turn."
Bakura felt a bead of sweat roll down his forehead as he drew his next card. Bah! A useless Monster. He looked at his field, and decided to gamble. "I can't do anything. I end my turn."
"What? You're not even goint to try to fight?"
"How can I when I've nothing to fight with?" Bakura snapped.
Kerah shrugged. "Fair point. I draw." Horn of the Unicorn again. In that case - "I activate Horn of the Unicorn on my Battle Ox, and attack your Mummy."
Battle Ox cleaved through the Poison Mummy, destroying it. Bakura winced, even though no Life Points were lost.
"Now, you're wide open. Rouge Doll! Attack him directly!"
Bakura staggered back as Rouge Doll attacked him with a blast of energy. Even though it wasn't real, it looked extremely convincing.
"And with that, I end my turn." Kerah looked at the field. She had three monsters - Battle Ox, Rouge Doll and the facedown Sangan she had placed at the beginning.
Bakura drew. Sword of Deep-seated again. "I summon Temple of Skulls in Attack Mode, and equip it with Sword of Deep-Seated to raise it's attack to 1400. Then, I attack your face-down monster."
The facedown card flipped up to reveal Sangan. The Temple of Skulls fird the Sword of deep-seated at it, cleaving it in two and sending it to the graveyard.
"Using Sangans effect," said Kerah, "I can take a monster from my Deck that has less than 1500 points and place it into my hand. I choose - Koumori Dragon." She transferred the card into her hand.
Bakura said "I end," with a resigned look on his face. He knew he would lose.
Kerah smiled evilly and drew. "I summon the monster I just drew - Great White." The man-shark materialised upon the field. "Then... I think Great White will attack your last defense - " The shark launched itself at Temple of Skulls, ripping it apart - "Leaving you open to an attack from my Battle Ox." Battle Ox charged at Bakura, swinging it's axe through him and causing him 2400LP of damage.
Bakura dropped to his knees as the holographic monsters faded from view. He had lost...

[Yellow]

You sure do type fast. 0_0
Anywho, I loved this chapter. The duel seemed realistic, and I liked your word choice. (winced, cleaved, disoriented, some of my favorite words. ^_^)
And I am rather happy how used the 'Millenium Scraps' theory. From TV Tropes-Yu Gi Oh- WMG:

Millenium Magic may still exist in a lesser form
Judging by the amount of gold in furnace and the amount used to cast the artifacts, there should be a significant amount of waste metal containing bits of 99 souls lying somewhere in Egypt or other parts of the Sahara Desert. This waste alloy may lack the extra enchantments used to create the items but I think that the Shadow Games have a chance of a coming back should a greater magical force supplement the exist magic in the waste material.

I like how you used that. ^_^
Good chapter over all, and I lol'd when she commented on the Bakura-Bakura thing. And then his epic staring.
Great stuff.

[Litzana]

Yeah. I used a duel simulator for the duel between YamiKerah and YamiBakura. (Although, I haven't unlocked YamiBakura yet, so I cheated and used Ryou...)
Bakura for the win. And, yeah, I noticed that YamiBakura does stare a lot. ^^
Figured out who YamiKerah is yet?

[Yellow]

No, but I guess Kisara. Only because you mentioned Seto in relation to her, and her having the 'Battle Ox' monster a signature monster of the Setos, and her having white hair. Most likely wrong tho'. Am I...?

[Litzana]

Ooh... You're right.
Explanation: Kisara had a split soul, much like Yugi but Kisaras soul was both herself.
High Priest Seto found Kisaras darker side when he was attempting to release the Blue-Eyes, and, afraid of what she might do, used the Millennium Rod to seal her away inside the Amulet.
Irony alert!
Kisara wants to take revenge on Setos decendants. But. Kerah - her host - totally adores Seto... He's her hero. Hence the Seto-themed deck.

[Yellow]

Well you are using my two (four?) most favorite characters, so I'm really excited to see how this turns out. :D

[Litzana]

Oh? What - Bakura, Ryou, Kisara and... Uh... Yami?

[Yellow]

Ryou and Kisara. But then I said 'four?' because there's Yami Bakura and in your story, Kerah. Since they're part of my favorite characters they get my favoritism by default.

[Litzana]

Score! ^^
Next chapter up tomorrow. I uploaded two and three because I already had them rady-written.

[Yellow]

Cool, I'll be eagerly awaiting. Kind of inspired me to get my fanfic written, heh.

[Basketcat]

ewww gross, an OC.
Obviously a mary-sue made to represent yourself.
Plus, the writing isn't even good, its just sort of meh and predictable.

[Yellow]

Your criticism is sort of meh and predictable.
You throw out terms like 'OC' and 'Mary-sue' but those labels don't stand up as independent criticism. If you want to be helpful instead of annoyingly whiny, you need to explain why you don't like OC's and why this particular character seems to be a Mary Sue.
And your writing criticism is nonconstructive and doesn't serve as anything but putting down the author.
Good:
I didn't really like the fic, because [reason], [reason being demonstrated in fic], [how to improve].
Bad:
lololo it suxxorz.
See my point? Overall your reviewing skills are unhelpful, vague, and amount to author bashing.

[Basketcat]

Okay, allow me to explain more to the author.
I am all for creating your own characters and being original and whatnot, but do it with an original story, not a fandom. Her character appears uninteresting and too "perfect" compared to the original series characters. Another thing is, the concept of an eighth millennium item is overused and nothing new. "Oh look, here's Sara and Yami Sara, the holder of the Millennium Pen!" I've honestly seen it hundreds of times. Also, the whole new girl in school but related to her favorite character is also a huge cliche. It makes the story sound like it will turn out to be a typical highschool romance fic, which it may not be. Another thing, usually OCs ini a fanfic will, intentionally or not, usually become a form of self insert, "Kerah" is the author's own fantasy self. The addition of a "yami" for the OC (Yami Kerah), I might add, is another huge cliche when it comes to Yuugiou fanfics. Usually the "hikari" OC is shy, quiet and nice, while the "yami" is insane, dark, and sadistic. (Remind you of any actual characters from the show?)

Another point I'll add is the writing itself. There is little description other than the bare basics of looks. I appreciate that the author uses like breaks after a character speaks, but it just looks sort of young and immature, each paragraph being usually no more than two sentences. There are a few grammatical and spelling errors that could have been fixed by simply taking some time and looking it over for editing.

This, also, is just my opinion, but the use of the dub names and personalities give the impression of a bad fanfic from the start.

Was that any better? I'd write more but its 10:30 and I'm tired.

[Yellow]

Yes, while I disagree with your opinions, I think they were better presented and much more constructive. Good job. ^_^

[Litzana]

Thank you for your criticism, Basketcat. I'm aware that it contains little or no description, and I'm also aware of the total cliche of the entire plotline. I'm writing this for fun, so it's not totally serious.
And, no, Kerah isn't an insert of me. Kerah is totally different from me. ^^
If you want, I'll go over it and correct the spelling and grammar mistakes too. They're brought on by quickspeed typing.
As to your comment on the dub names, They're the names I'm most familiar with.
The eighth Millennium Item is overused and a total cliche, but, like I said, I'm only writing this for fun.
I gave Kisara an evil side because I wanted to make her as much like Bakura as possible, Kerah and Ryou being cousins and all.

I hope I adressed everything. Again, thanks for your criticism.

[Yellow]

Is Kisara related more directly to Amane Bakura?

[Litzana]

I'm not sure. I used her because it was either her or Preist Seto and a male OC.

[Litzana]

"I... I lost... How could I lose?" Bakura stayed on his knees, thinking. Then he got up, and he was full of rage. "What did you do?"
Kerah smiled. "You asked me to show you what I could do."
"What did you do?"
"I manipulated your 'luck' - your chance of drawing a decent card. Combining that with being able to 'see' what you drew meant that I could predict your every move and make sure that you had no chance of carrying that out."
Bakura stood, still angry. Then, he calmed down a little. This girl is really something... She could be my ticket to obtaining the Millennium Puzzle, and, as a bonus, this 'Amulet'. "Well, Kerah. Along with your duelling skills, those powers could be exceptionally useful. One question, though... How did you know?"
"How did I know what?"
"Pardon my inquisitiveness, but you are one of the only people who can see me for who I am."
"Who are the others?"
"Marik."
"Who?"
"Don't ask."
Kerah thought for a moment. "It's easy, really. When Ryou stands in a room, he endeavors to make himself as invisible as possible so that he won't be noticed by anyone bigger than him. With you, it's like you're attempting to fill the entire room with yourself. You force people to take notice of you. Also, the Amulet told me."
"Very clever."
"How did you know?"
"That's easy." Bakura walked back to the edge of the roof, ready to jump back down onto the fire escape. "You have blue eyes," was his parting comment.
Kerah sighed. "Show-off." She turned back to the door behind her to use the elevator to their floor.

^ the last teeny bit of Chap.3 before I start on 4.

[Yellow]

*slow clap* Very good dialog my favorite part:

"Who are the others?"
"Marik."
"Who?"
"Don't ask."

That's hilarious! XD
And I wonder what Yami Bakura has planned hmmm....

[Litzana]

Yeah. I thought you might like that bit.
As to YamiBakuras plans... That's for me to know and you to lol at. ^^

[Yellow]

Heh, well, I'll be a-waitin' then. :)

[Litzana]

First part of Chap.4:

Chapter four: Seto?
"And on wednesday, Seto Kaiba returns to Domino City High school, to resume his education in the aftermath of the Battle City tournament. This concludes our special interview with the teenage CEO of KaibaCorp."
Aaaahh!!!
A piercing squeal shook the tiny flat. The location - Kerahs room.
Ryou burst in on Kerah, his white hair and pyjamas in a total state of dissarray. "What happened? Are you alright?"
Kerah was frantically brushing her hair. "You never told me Seto Kaiba goes to the same school as you!"
Ryou looked confused. "As far as I know, he doesn't. I think he's supposed to, but no-one minds if he doesn't turn up."
Kerah paused in her brushing and focused on Ryous clothes. "You wear fluffy bunny pyjamas?"
"Uh..." Ryou looked down at his powder-blue nightwear decorated with dancing white rabbits, and looked rather embarrased. "They're... comfortable..."
Kerah grinned. "It's OK. You look sweet in them."
Ryou looked around Kerahs room for want of something to say. Kerah had moved in quickly - the walls were plastered with pictures of Seto Kaiba and the BLue-Eyes White Dragon, most of them drawn by Kerah. "I like the pictures."
Kerah, now brushing off her ridiculous pink jacket, looked up. "Yeah. I draw them when I'm bored. Kaiba is my idol - I want to be able to duel just like him. My deck is themed on his."
Bakura grimaced. "Joey isn't going to like that."

[Litzana]

Kaibas grand entrance...


Joey jumped and looked round. "Oh, uh... Tea's off sick today and Tristan's got some stuff ta do before school. So it's just me an' Yugi today. We thought we'd pick up you Bakuras since Bakura always walks alone."
"And I wanted a closer look at that amulet," said the Pharaoh, only heard by Yugi.
Kerah looked confused. "Why do you call Ryou 'Bakura'?"
Yugi joined in. "I... don't know, really. I guess it's because the teachers call us by our surnames, so we kinda started doing it too."
They turned into the school gate, and Tristan ran to meet them. "Hey, guys! What took you so long?"
Joey looked back. "We picked up the Bakuras on the way."
Tristan looked closely at them. "They look like twins... Apart from one has longer hair. It's kinda spooky."
"Yeah... Hey, guys! hurry up!"
Kerah and Ryou had been walking slowly, muttering to each other. Kerah looked up at Joeys shout, and Joey thought he saw a flash of blue eyes. But Kerah has pink eyes... He blinked and looked again, but her eyes were pink. I must have imagined it. He decided.
The Thwop-thwop-thwop of KaibaCorp helicopter blades sounded overhead.
"Oh, here we go," said Tristan. "The king of melodrama makes his grand entrance..."
Kaiba appeared in the open doorway of the helicopter, his blue jacket flapping in the wind caused by the helicopters blades. He looked down and saw Yugi, said something to the pilot, and jumped down, dusting himself off as he hit the floor, as if he had just stepped off a pavement.
"Yugi," he said respectfully.
"Kaiba," said Yugi and Yami simultaneously. Kaiba only heard Yugi, though.
Kaiba looked at Joey and sneered. "Careful, Yugi. I heard bad duelling skills were catching. You might want to step away from Wheeler."
Joey raised his fist at Kaiba. "Watch it, Kaiba. You might be a better Duelist, but I've got a better fist!"
Kaiba looked at Joeys fist, then took hold of it with his thumb and forefinger and moved it away from his face. "Whatever, Wheeler. Catch you later, Yugi." He swept off, his jacket billowing about him.

[Basketcat]

Originally Posted by Litzana

Thank you for your criticism, Basketcat. I'm aware that it contains little or no description, and I'm also aware of the total cliche of the entire plotline. I'm writing this for fun, so it's not totally serious.
And, no, Kerah isn't an insert of me. Kerah is totally different from me. ^^
If you want, I'll go over it and correct the spelling and grammar mistakes too. They're brought on by quickspeed typing.
As to your comment on the dub names, They're the names I'm most familiar with.
The eighth Millennium Item is overused and a total cliche, but, like I said, I'm only writing this for fun.
I gave Kisara an evil side because I wanted to make her as much like Bakura as possible, Kerah and Ryou being cousins and all.

I hope I adressed everything. Again, thanks for your criticism.

Yes, while but writing for fun you can still make it better. Kerah doesn't seem to have much of a personality at all. She can be sort of bent and shaped to fit any situation in the story line. Just saying.

True, but those names just seem childish to me.

I'm all for original interpretations of characters (as long as you keep them in character) but the adding of future versions of ancient egypt characters (and vice versa) is another cliche that should be avoided.

It's just my two cents on it.

(p.s, quality over quanity. Writing more faster isn't always better.)

[Litzana]

I'll develop her personality as the story progresses. I'm writing up a bit now which involves Kerah defending yes, defending Kaiba. ^^

[Basketcat]

Originally Posted by Litzana

I'll develop her personality as the story progresses. I'm writing up a bit now which involves Kerah defending yes, defending Kaiba. ^^

Defending him over/from what?
I hope you aren't planning on making them a couple.

[Litzana]

No. That would add to the lameness of the plot as it is currently.
No, Kerah's greatest ambition is to become as good a duelist as Kaiba. She respects him - a lot. But she doesn't love him.
And, you'll see.

[Basketcat]

Originally Posted by Litzana

No. That would add to the lameness of the plot as it is currently.
No, Kerah's greatest ambition is to become as good a duelist as Kaiba. She respects him - a lot. But she doesn't love him.
And, you'll see.

True.
Ohh, cliche, again, but better than the OC romance a lot people write.
Bah.