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#61
10-17-2010
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[ LOL Dumbass I hope you're not serious! At least 7 years and counting! ] 
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#63
10-17-2010
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eh, depends on how you look at it. [ Futa, main character who is so hopelessly an a-hole he'll do whatever the evil lady tells him to "because he's in love" and has pity sex with his teacher who was just tortured and raped, in the dub there is dirty talk that would make a sailor blush.... ]
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#74
10-17-2010
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Hello all once again, Resort Boin is mind numbingly boring, and I really don't wanna fucking watch it right now.
So i decided to take a break and watch something good, my favorite movie of ALL TIME!! That's right,  Most people have never actually heard of this movie, and its a shame, though it has gained more attention since it was spoofed on an episode of South Park (and it was quite like that, the constant violence, nudity and big named rock songs interladen throughout). The soundtrack was more successful then the movie, with names like Journey, Black Sabbath, Devo and Blue Oyster Cult, and actors such as John Candy, Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy, and Harold Ramis (all of whom were on a Canadian TV show called SCTV in the 70's, and going on to bigger roles (John Candy also stars in another of my favorite movies, "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" and of course Harold Remis was in Ghostbusters 1 and 2). The movie was released in 1982, and is Canadian, believe it or not. So lets dive in to one of the best animated movies (in my opinion) Heavy Metal... So the movie begins with a Space Shuttle Looming overhead after we see a green orb flying threw the sky. The bottom of the Shuttle opens and we see a corvette lower out and fly down to earth  Radar-radar-radar Rider!! Sorry...  The truck lands and drives threw the desert to a house, where the man gets a weird looking briefcase and goes inside, and is greeted by his daughter. Curious she asks what he brought back, and he opens the case to show her...a glowing green orb. So the orb begins to glow and the guy melts, its pretty funny and then grows and starts talking.  It tells her it is going to tell of what it has done in the past before it kills her, then we cut to our first story. Our first story is about a man named harry Canyon who lives in New York in 2033, which as my brother pointed out, still has the World Trade Center. Another reason when you see the "future" in movies and even in the present its totally wrong. Anyways, Harry is a cab driver, and he doesn't much like his situation in life.  After avoiding a robbery, by shooting a guy with a laser that vaporizes him, we see a bunch of commotion by a museum, where a man falls dead on the stairs. A woman runs out and he tells her to "run" and she does, being chased by these 3 soon after.  She runs into the street were Harry stops, letting her in and driving off. Trying to go to the police (but in the future they're completely useless) he takes her to his house after she, somehow, passes out in his cab.  They talk about why her father was killed (the loc-nar-eg green orb telling this story), have sex, the next morning she's gone. and the cops ask about her, Harry denies everything. After getting a call to meet her at the Statue of Liberty  she tells him the lumpy guy wants to buy the loc nar, and she even offers to split it.  They go, get the cash and she tries to kill him, getting vaporized by the taxi laser. Oh and the lumpy guy tries to touch the loc nar and he dies too... Then it flies away into our next segment... We see our protagonist for this segment, Dan, who finds the loc nar and is fucking with stuff to study weather or something. So short time later, science strikes and he is sucked into a weird void, into a world that's like Conan the Barbarian on acid, where he isn't a skinny little white kid, but a Mr. T, clone (minus the hair and chains). We see a naked woman being sacrificed to Uhluhtc (I'm dead serious) so Mr. T clone (Den) jumps in to save her. He does, and she repays him with sexual favours. Then they're interrupted by weird ape people, and lead to a really gay guy who (off screen) imprisoned the lady in a stasis/snow white thing. Den tries to shoot him but, bullets don't affect him... I wasn't impressed, and I don't really think Den really was, fuck I'd be impressed if he was... sorry I do love that joke... Hey doesn't Harry sorta look like Chuck? I donno he sorta does to me...moving on. So Den is blackmailed into stealing the loc nar from the large chested queen (who also never wears a shirt). So they go into caverns where Den wanders into the Queen's chambers and feels her up by mistake in the dark.  She originally tells the guards to kill him but agrees to let him live if she "satisfies her" ...What?! Makes sense to me. The alarm is raised when her guards are attacked by the solders, the sissy guy also showing up to sacrifice the girl at the pool again to Uhluhtc, He and the queen have a sissy fight and are somehow sent to where Den came from. But he doesn't care, and flies with his lady love off into the acid sky.  The loc-nar goes up into the sky and we go into the next segment. Our next segment is called Captain Sternn and Hanover Fiste, and has no nudity so I can actually show you it!!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE3J27ApS_8 It lets you see more into the movie, and this is one of my favorites (and one of 3 clips I will show you, the other two are the next 2-one was taken out from the movie)   HULK SMASH!!! And no I have no idea why part of the space station collapses in space... The next one-was removed from the movie, I am not exactly sure why, but has no dialog-watch... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miar5eKG4uY We go into our next segment called B-17, about, well a WW2 Bomber, and what the loc-nar does to it. It's pretty fuckin' cool!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRaMa...eature=related  I am so sick of these mother fuckin' zombies on my mother fuckin' plane! Next Segment, and probably most iconic. We see a man going to the pentagon to explain several mutations that have been occurring the past few weeks, when a space ship looms overhead and a tube smashes threw the building and kidnaps him and a secretary who had the loc nar in her necklace (causing him to go ape shit)  He's actually a robot, and is broken in the transport, much to the dismay of robot John Candy.  He leads her away to make her a drink, causing the two hippie aliens to get "bummed out' (she being the first earth chick they've seen in 10 years and "he's gonna make a play for her") The aliens try to cheer up, one asking if they have any "plutonian nyborg" left, one produces a weird vacuum and it pours lines of white powder on the floor, and yes-this happens;  NOSE DIVE We get to see a rather trippy video of explosions, lights, stars and I swear I saw the USS Enterprise in there!  Wow...good Nyborg... They land the ship, stoned out of their minds and we switch to our next segment, the last one. It begins with a bunch of miners watching the loc nar crashing into a mountain and then erupts with green ooze, consuming them all, for some reason, turning them evil and making them attack some random future town. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWAVI4x3bIo They kill everyone...  Our, silent heroine shows up and discovers everyone is slaughtered. She goes to dress very slowly in a spring, weird thing, and sets off.  Going to a sleezy bar, she learns where the mutants are, and we see Devo (or what I always imagined Devo looked like when I was a kid)  She kills a few guys who want to, I assume rape her by decapitating them, and sets out again, unfortunately is captured and beaten up. Taarna escapes and sets out to fight the leader!  But the weird bird thing from Yor Hunter from the Future helps out and Taarna puts a saw right in the fucker's neck!  ooh you do not get much more owned then that! The mutants walk silently away and Taarna prepares to destroy the Loc nar...  HE MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!! The loc nar is destroyed and...somehow dies in our present too, as we find out the little girl is one of Taarna's race and this is why the loc nar wanted her dead. But its too late and we see the house explode and the girl somehow walk away-and she even gets her own "beast of the night" though she won't ride it like this I bet http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvicLz4wLn8 Oh well... So that's Heavy Metal...  I just couldn't stay away, god damn your rockin' tits! yes I am aware there is another Heavy Metal movie, and, to be honest, it wasn't that bad. Didn't hold a candle to the original but it wasn't that bad.  Jeez she looks more 80s then the 80s Heavy Metal...  (funny thing, if anyone knows the once modeling now warhammer catalog, magazine, "White Dwarf" that picture appeared on the cover).
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#75
10-17-2010
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"Uhluhtc"
ya, REAL original and i didn't recognize this until you had the pic from the South Park parody
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#76
10-20-2010
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....ok.... somehow this flew under my radar for a couple of weeks without me knowing about it.... my stance is unchanged. This is still barely anything resembling a review rather than just a monologue describing your experience while jerking off that incidentally involves anime (or heavy metal which was the closest thing to real porn pre-internet teens could get).
Last edited by TitanAura; 10-20-2010 at 03:34 AM.
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#77
10-20-2010
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This is your favorite movie? Seriously? I forgot about this movie, but I do remember seeing it once. It was one of the most boring things I've ever seen. The animation is ugly and the story makes no sense. What exactly did you find appealing about it?
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#78
10-29-2010
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good job, you've accomplished nothing
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#79
10-29-2010
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