The Ranting Thread

[Anreyla]

Well, all of us rational fans just love to rant about the stupidity/sheer ridiculousness of some of the stuff we see, right? But whenever we do it in the other threads, we get told we're going 'off-topic'... Well, here's a thread where you can rant, rage, and flame to your heart's content. First topic? Character OOCness. Enjoy!

Since I can really only post so much (I just wrote a giant OOCness rant for something else, but it's too big~) without spamming walls of text, I'll pick a character to rant about under this..

Malik. Yes, dear Malik, poor Malik who gets written so OOCly it's not even funny... It seems that he's written either as a girl, a complete slut, or a stereotypical gay. Where do people get this from? Sure, he looks really feminine with his lilac shirt and his long blonde hair and his pretty jewelry, but he was a very masculine character, he's strong-willed, and he's definitely not a teenage girl. The idea that he's a horndog confuses me so much because it's just completely made up, it's like someone said "He's a pretty guy, he must be a total man-whore!" and everyone agreed for some reason that is obviously beyond my comprehension. I could see him having trust issues in relationships, but he doesn't seem the kind to just sleep around because he can. Then that whole "stereotypical gay guy" comes into play, which, again, I point to the fact that he has a very masculine character, even if he has feminine looks. I've seen fics that portray him as a super-gay guy, totally into all the 'girly' stuff and whatnot, it's just ridiculous, who comes up with this?! And don't even get me started on fluffy, kawaaaaaaaaaiiidesuuuu ^___^ Bronzeshipping fics...

[sugar_beets]

Poor Malik. His childhood was messed up and now people write bad fanfiction about him.

I guess I will say people that completely disregard canon. Ship people with whoever you like, I'm not forced to read it but when you go "Jounouchi never cared about Mai blah blah blah" you sound like someone who doesn't know the series. There are ways you can make Jounouchi with someone else work but you can't pretend like the duel against YMalik never happened. Unless it is an AU but that is a different boat.

As for AUs, make the characters recognizable. The antagonists of YGO aren't going to simply turn into happy and loving characters. If you want to write that, keep it to yourself or write an original fiction. Don't ruin the canon personalities just because it is an AU.

[Anreyla]

Ugh, that annoys me, too, Sugar_beets, because Jounouchi just risked his life in the duel against YMalik for teh lulz, he's obviously just trying to cover up his flaming homosexuality... Sigh~. Or when people either completely disregard Puzzleshipping hints, or completely disregard Peach/Revolutionshipping. Guys, Yuugi likes Anzu, he may also like Atem, Atem might like Yuugi, maybe he likes Anzu, and Anzu likes they both, stop completely ignoring it, FFS. (Also, people who write Anzu as a total whore just because she has a crush on two guys/is getting in the way of their Puzzleshipping OTP... Ugh.)

Yeah, the point of an AU is to use the same characters, just in a different universe, it's not to completely destroy the characters for your own personal interests. (Also, if you're ever gonna gender-bend, FFS, do it an AU, don't do it in the canon YGO universe. And if you wanna do Mpreg... Just don't.)

[sugar_beets]

Or people that write Anzu as a bitch. She will speak her mind but she isn't going insult people or be rude for the hell of it. Also when people write her as Anzu but still pretty much make her seem like the TAS parody of Téa.

I've seen ONE mpreg that worked and it involved magic that gave Atem female reproductive organs and he had to have a C-section, ect. But as a general rule, stay the hell away from it. Especially since most of the kids don't even know how pregnancy works.

And that's another thing. Research. I'm not telling you to go get a bachelor degree but if you are writing about something mental or a time period, do your research.

[PoisonXLilly]

I'd rant on here, but I'd get flamed. >.>
Ah well...

[Wolfy]

WE need moar movie revies by yami marik or kaiba!!!!

[PoisonXLilly]

^ Twilight. :3 I'd LOOOOVE for them to rant on Twilight. :3
That would seriously be the best thing...ever. *.*

[I don't care]

Originally Posted by PoisonXLilly

^ Twilight. :3 I'd LOOOOVE for them to rant on Twilight. :3
That would seriously be the best thing...ever. *.*

Yeeeaaaahhhhhh *nodding my head*

[Basketcat]

Haha, we should post our huge rant/review that we did for the one girl's horrid fanfics.

[Anreyla]

Originally Posted by Basketcat

Haha, we should post our huge rant/review that we did for the one girl's horrid fanfics.

Duuuude, we should, but they're so long, it'd be such a wall of text~.

^ Twilight. :3 I'd LOOOOVE for them to rant on Twilight. :3
That would seriously be the best thing...ever. *.*

Well I was intending this to be a ranting thread for YGO stuff, but Twilight... I could rant on that crap forever.

[Basketcat]

Okay, this is a rant/review Anreyla and I did about some girl's fanfic. It was some horrible OC/Bakura & same OC/Ryou fic.
Ughhh.

 

Well, there are so many things to say, where to start, where to start... I think I'll just start by saying its been a while since I've been so torn between the choice laughing or crying. And no, my dear, that is not a good thing. This fanfic, in the most simple and unabridged terms, is horrid. I sincerely hope it is a joke because I would be quite disappointed if you honestly expected me to take something like it seriously. Allow me to go into detail.

I'll start with the most obvious concern, the protagonist of this story. I must say I find it cruelly ironic how you stated that you do not wish to create a mary-sue and yet that is just what you have done. You've created this character, as flat and boring as a blank sheet of paper, not to mention extremely cliche and expected us to be impressed. "Leiko", (who lives up to her name in being a failed attempt at originality), seems to be a poorly disguised self insert. A typical, emo, woe-is-me-I-hate-the-world, teenage "rebel" (and I use the word extremely loosely.) how original. One last thing, wearing black does not make someone dark, writing to dead parents doesn't either (Ryou writes to his deceased sister, you know), I think you and your character need to grow up a bit and stop thinking that you are hardcore.

Now allow me to move onto the thing that bothers me the most about this dreadful fanfic: the characterization of both Ryou and Bakura. To be quite honest I have no idea whether or not you have actually seen/read the original Yuugiou before, seeing as how extremely out of character they both are, I would have to say you haven't. If you had you would know that someone like Bakura would never, and I repeat, never love ANYONE. He's selfish, he's a sadist, and he is a spirit, made up of mostly Zork, therefor incapable of feeling love, especially not the love you depict in your story. Bakura is too focused on his goals to waste time with a boring, cliche, teenage girl. He wants someone dark? Give him Yami no Malik, not some angsty little moron. And it still would never be love, ever.
Ryou is just as equally out of character. Contrary to the beliefs of fangirls like you, Ryou is not a spineless, weak, little girl like you portray him. He's been through trauma in his life, but he stays strong. He faced Yami no Bakura on multiple occasions to save his friends. He's also into the occult and other such things. He is in no way naive. I suggest you actually read the manga before you write bad fanfiction.

As if all of the above wasn't bad enough, I have to say that the icing on the cake is the fact that you cannot write well at all. The most glaringly obvious of all the things wrong with your writing is how you did it in first person. People do not consciously think in the manner that you wrote them to. You don't think about every single action you do, and you don't describe it in such a manner. The description in your fic is also terrible, adding in random large adjectives does not make a piece of writing sound good. It your writing sound immature, less than mediocre. I also find it quite funny on how you seem to dislike the horrid piece of literature which is Twilight and yet you have basically written the Yuugiou fanfiction version of it right here.

I could go on for a lot longer about this disgusting fanfic, but I won't. I think I've touched on all of the basics. Besides, I don't want to risk losing IQ points trying to think about this thing.
And ditto to all of your other fics, too. I can barely stomach thinking about how grossly out of character they are.

[Anreyla]

Originally Posted by Basketcat

Okay, this is a rant/review Anreyla and I did about some girl's fanfic. It was some horrible OC/Bakura & same OC/Ryou fic.
Ughhh.

 

Well, there are so many things to say, where to start, where to start... I think I'll just start by saying its been a while since I've been so torn between the choice laughing or crying. And no, my dear, that is not a good thing. This fanfic, in the most simple and unabridged terms, is horrid. I sincerely hope it is a joke because I would be quite disappointed if you honestly expected me to take something like it seriously. Allow me to go into detail.

I'll start with the most obvious concern, the protagonist of this story. I must say I find it cruelly ironic how you stated that you do not wish to create a mary-sue and yet that is just what you have done. You've created this character, as flat and boring as a blank sheet of paper, not to mention extremely cliche and expected us to be impressed. "Leiko", (who lives up to her name in being a failed attempt at originality), seems to be a poorly disguised self insert. A typical, emo, woe-is-me-I-hate-the-world, teenage "rebel" (and I use the word extremely loosely.) how original. One last thing, wearing black does not make someone dark, writing to dead parents doesn't either (Ryou writes to his deceased sister, you know), I think you and your character need to grow up a bit and stop thinking that you are hardcore.

Now allow me to move onto the thing that bothers me the most about this dreadful fanfic: the characterization of both Ryou and Bakura. To be quite honest I have no idea whether or not you have actually seen/read the original Yuugiou before, seeing as how extremely out of character they both are, I would have to say you haven't. If you had you would know that someone like Bakura would never, and I repeat, never love ANYONE. He's selfish, he's a sadist, and he is a spirit, made up of mostly Zork, therefor incapable of feeling love, especially not the love you depict in your story. Bakura is too focused on his goals to waste time with a boring, cliche, teenage girl. He wants someone dark? Give him Yami no Malik, not some angsty little moron. And it still would never be love, ever.
Ryou is just as equally out of character. Contrary to the beliefs of fangirls like you, Ryou is not a spineless, weak, little girl like you portray him. He's been through trauma in his life, but he stays strong. He faced Yami no Bakura on multiple occasions to save his friends. He's also into the occult and other such things. He is in no way naive. I suggest you actually read the manga before you write bad fanfiction.

As if all of the above wasn't bad enough, I have to say that the icing on the cake is the fact that you cannot write well at all. The most glaringly obvious of all the things wrong with your writing is how you did it in first person. People do not consciously think in the manner that you wrote them to. You don't think about every single action you do, and you don't describe it in such a manner. The description in your fic is also terrible, adding in random large adjectives does not make a piece of writing sound good. It your writing sound immature, less than mediocre. I also find it quite funny on how you seem to dislike the horrid piece of literature which is Twilight and yet you have basically written the Yuugiou fanfiction version of it right here.

I could go on for a lot longer about this disgusting fanfic, but I won't. I think I've touched on all of the basics. Besides, I don't want to risk losing IQ points trying to think about this thing.
And ditto to all of your other fics, too. I can barely stomach thinking about how grossly out of character they are.

Dude, that fic was soooo bad, you guys have no idea. The main character was an OC, FFS, and was all 'dark' and shit. There's was this line in there that was all "Weeds are just flowers that nobody wants," Basketcat and I were laughing to death over that crap.

[Basketcat]

Originally Posted by Anreyla

Dude, that fic was soooo bad, you guys have no idea. The main character was an OC, FFS, and was all 'dark' and shit. There's was this line in there that was all "Weeds are just flowers that nobody wants," Basketcat and I were laughing to death over that crap.

Oh god lololol.
She wore all black and the author made Bakura be like: "I've seen many flowers in my lifetime but none that thrive in darkness. ~~~~~~~~~~"

[Anreyla]

Originally Posted by Basketcat

Oh god lololol.
She wore all black and the author made Bakura be like: "I've seen many flowers in my lifetime but none that thrive in darkness. ~~~~~~~~~~"

Hahahaha, yeah, and then he was watching her shower and the line was all "Bakura never thought he would be jealous of a bar of soap, but here he was, envying that bar of soap that she held, moving up and down her perfect body" or something, it was ridiculous, man. And the funniest thing is, in the first chapter, she's all 'I don't wanna create a Mary-Sue, so please tell me if I am!" and we told her, and she deleted the entire fic, lol.

[Basketcat]

Originally Posted by Anreyla

Hahahaha, yeah, and then he was watching her shower and the line was all "Bakura never thought he would be jealous of a bar of soap, but here he was, envying that bar of soap that she held, moving up and down her perfect body" or something, it was ridiculous, man. And the funniest thing is, in the first chapter, she's all 'I don't wanna create a Mary-Sue, so please tell me if I am!" and we told her, and she deleted the entire fic, lol.

I know right, that was hilarious.

LOL post our review for the screamshipping one, that fic was sooooo bad.

[ClumsyCake]

Originally Posted by Basketcat

Okay, this is a rant/review Anreyla and I did about some girl's fanfic. It was some horrible OC/Bakura & same OC/Ryou fic.
Ughhh.

 

Well, there are so many things to say, where to start, where to start... I think I'll just start by saying its been a while since I've been so torn between the choice laughing or crying. And no, my dear, that is not a good thing. This fanfic, in the most simple and unabridged terms, is horrid. I sincerely hope it is a joke because I would be quite disappointed if you honestly expected me to take something like it seriously. Allow me to go into detail.

I'll start with the most obvious concern, the protagonist of this story. I must say I find it cruelly ironic how you stated that you do not wish to create a mary-sue and yet that is just what you have done. You've created this character, as flat and boring as a blank sheet of paper, not to mention extremely cliche and expected us to be impressed. "Leiko", (who lives up to her name in being a failed attempt at originality), seems to be a poorly disguised self insert. A typical, emo, woe-is-me-I-hate-the-world, teenage "rebel" (and I use the word extremely loosely.) how original. One last thing, wearing black does not make someone dark, writing to dead parents doesn't either (Ryou writes to his deceased sister, you know), I think you and your character need to grow up a bit and stop thinking that you are hardcore.

Now allow me to move onto the thing that bothers me the most about this dreadful fanfic: the characterization of both Ryou and Bakura. To be quite honest I have no idea whether or not you have actually seen/read the original Yuugiou before, seeing as how extremely out of character they both are, I would have to say you haven't. If you had you would know that someone like Bakura would never, and I repeat, never love ANYONE. He's selfish, he's a sadist, and he is a spirit, made up of mostly Zork, therefor incapable of feeling love, especially not the love you depict in your story. Bakura is too focused on his goals to waste time with a boring, cliche, teenage girl. He wants someone dark? Give him Yami no Malik, not some angsty little moron. And it still would never be love, ever.
Ryou is just as equally out of character. Contrary to the beliefs of fangirls like you, Ryou is not a spineless, weak, little girl like you portray him. He's been through trauma in his life, but he stays strong. He faced Yami no Bakura on multiple occasions to save his friends. He's also into the occult and other such things. He is in no way naive. I suggest you actually read the manga before you write bad fanfiction.

As if all of the above wasn't bad enough, I have to say that the icing on the cake is the fact that you cannot write well at all. The most glaringly obvious of all the things wrong with your writing is how you did it in first person. People do not consciously think in the manner that you wrote them to. You don't think about every single action you do, and you don't describe it in such a manner. The description in your fic is also terrible, adding in random large adjectives does not make a piece of writing sound good. It your writing sound immature, less than mediocre. I also find it quite funny on how you seem to dislike the horrid piece of literature which is Twilight and yet you have basically written the Yuugiou fanfiction version of it right here.

I could go on for a lot longer about this disgusting fanfic, but I won't. I think I've touched on all of the basics. Besides, I don't want to risk losing IQ points trying to think about this thing.
And ditto to all of your other fics, too. I can barely stomach thinking about how grossly out of character they are.

Hahahaha! This made me smile!

[Anreyla]

Originally Posted by ClumsyCake

Hahahaha! This made me smile!

Hah, wait till you see the one we wrote for her Screamshipping fic... (She also deleted that one! )

 

All writers want constructive criticism, right? Well, allow me to give you some, since this has got to be one of the worst fics I’ve ever read. As a fan of Yuugiou, and of good writing in general, I am offended that you would post something as dreadful as this. Continue reading and I shall explain. Now, before I begin my review, it will be good to keep in mind that I will be referring to the characters with their original Japanese names and personalities, not the ones that the English dub gave them. (Ryou is not British, Jounouchi doesn’t have a Brooklyn accent, Yuugi does not refer to Atem as “Yami,” etc. etc.)

First and foremost, Bakura is completely and utterly OOC, a pattern that seems to traverse all of your fanfics. Bakura would never love ANYONE at all, he’s a being made up mostly of Zorc, the ultimate manifestation of ‘evil’ in the entire Yuugiou universe, he’s not going to fall in love. On top of that, he would never fall in love with someone as spineless and weak as Shizuka, who, by the way, should be running away from him in fear, not socializing with him like he’s not that bad a guy (hence the name: Screamshipping). Another thing, Bakura does not cry, he would not cry, he doesn’t feel things like sadness or regret, he is an inhuman monster, not a hormonal teenage girl. Bakura would not commit suicide because Ryou left, he doesn’t love Ryou, and Ryou definitely does NOT love him. Another thing, Bakura wouldn’t be ’sad’ if Ryou suddenly disappeared-- if Ryou were gone, he’d have full control of the body and wouldn’t have to worry about Ryou fighting against him to save his friends. Oh, and Bakura probably hates Atem more than Ryou hates Bakura, he wouldn’t be calling him for help.

Despite how little he was featured in the fic, Kiaba is another character whose personality you have succeeded in ruining. Kaiba is an intelligent, arrogant businessman, not the cutesy idiot you portray him as. He was mentally and physically tortured by Gozaburo for years, he’s incapable of loving anyone but Mokuba, and even if he did, he’s the CEO of a huge company and a word-class duelist, he wouldn’t have time for a relationship. While we’re on the topic Kaiba and relationships, let’s talk about Puppyshipping.. Say it with me: THEY. HATE. EACH OTHER. There’s no hidden love under the surface, no love-hate relationship, they just DESPISE each other. Kaiba holds no respect for Jounouchi, and vice-versa, and their personalities are completely incompatible to begin with; Kaiba isn’t going to swoop in and ‘save’ Jounouchi, nor would Jounouchi accept his help if he did, they’re both extremely independent.

Also, Shizuka is very OOC in this fic, if you watch the Japanese version of the show, you’ll see that she’s a weak little girl who’s completely dependent on Jounouchi. In Yuugi’s duel against Bakura in Battle City, she was scared of him because of his deck, do you really think she’d approach him so kindly?

And if the way you wrote the other characters was bad, then you completely destroyed Ryou. Ryou does NOT love Bakura, Bakura stole his friends souls and put them into Monster World pieces, then he tried to kill Yuugi and his friends, he constantly takes over Ryou’s body without permission, and wounds him on more than one occasion to get what he wants. Ryou risked his life to save his friends, first in season zero where he shattered his soul on purpose to destroy the dice, so his friends wouldn’t be harmed, and then in season one, he was willing to die to keep Bakura from winning.

As if the complete and utter disregard for how the characters ACTUALLY act wasn’t enough, your writing, in and of itself, is just terrible. The first thing I’d like to mention is that your scene changes definitely need to be reworked; you go from a scene involving Bakura to a scene involving Kaiba with no transition, no divider, nothing, and you act like it’s completely natural. People don’t fall in love in a day the way you write them to; love at first sight does not exist, nor does ‘true love,’ what you write sounds more like a school girl’s crush. I don’t know if you’ve realized this, but you don’t need to put a bunch of ridiculous adjectives in front of every word, it’s unnecessarily wordy, and it makes you sound like an amateur. Your use of similes and metaphors is ridiculous, they’re completely inappropriate for the situations you insert them into, and it only serves to make your writing look more juvenile. Another big issue is that this piece of writing (if it can even be called such) lacks any real plot, it’s just “Bakura’s in love! Shizuka doesn’t love him back, but wait, she does! And Ryou loves him, too!”, hardly a worthwhile read. There’s no timeline, it’s so rushed that it feels like all the events took place in a matter of hours. On top of that, there was no build-up or climax, it just came to an abrupt, and very cliché, stop.

The final issue I want to address is your complete disregard for Yuugiou’s canon lore. Honestly, did you even watch the show, or did you just say “these characters look pretty!” and decide to use them in bad fanfiction? You act like Bakura and Atem can actually remember their past lives in ancient Egypt -- guess what, they can’t, they couldn’t remember anything until the veeeeery end of the series. Oh, by the way, it’s “KUL Elna,” not “CUL Elna.” And even if Bakura did know about his past in ancient Egypt, why would he be telling it to two ignorant little teenagers? Believe it or not, people who suffer trauma DON’T flaunt it around and tell EVERYONE, they keep it to themselves, only telling those they truly and completely trust, and sometimes not even those individuals. And considering the present day Bakura, spirit of the Millennium Ring, is made up mostly of Zorc, he wouldn’t even care about Kul Elna anymore.

And if you’re wondering why I assume you don’t know the canon lore for Yuugiou, there’s no better example than Seto Kaiba’s history as you write it. Kaiba’s parents died in some unknown accident and they were shunned from the rest of the family because of inheritance money, there was no ‘son, you have to protect your little brother!’ they just died. Then they were adopted by Gozauro, who abused Kaiba both physically and mentally; if you’re going to have Kaiba remember his past, make him remember Gozaburo’s abuse.

Since you seem so fond of the terms “yami” and “hikari,” I feel I have to tell you that they’re completely fanon, it’s all made up. They refer to Atem as “the other Yugi,” they refer to Bakura as “the spirit of the Millennium Ring,” and Malik’s split personality as just “Malik.” Ishizu says “The darkness of Malik has awakened,” and that’s the ONLY time “yami” is EVER used to described any of the so-called “yami” characters, and when it is used it means “the darkness of ___,” it’s not used as a name. The term “hikari” is even worse off because it’s NEVER used in canon lore, it’s just a fanon thing made up because “light” and “dark” are opposites.

By the way, Slifer (or as you put it, ‘Slipher’) is NOT an actual Egyptian God, and Atem would not be cursing/praying/whatever-ing to him. The JAPANESE version of Slifer, Osiris, on the other hand, IS an Egyptian God, but you probably wouldn’t know that. One last thing, Shizuka is NOT old enough to be in high school, she’s probably 13, in middle school, not to mention that she lives in another town with her mom. She’s too young to be moving in with a 17-year-old boy (or a three thousand year-old spirit) and definitely too young to be having sex.
?
So, in conclusion, maybe you should consider learning how to write the character and understanding their histories better before you post your fanfiction for everyone to see. And if that’s too much to ask for, fine, but if you’re going to write bad fan fiction, at least have the decency to keep it to yourself.

[PoisonXLilly]

And yet you ship Bronzeshipping, even though you say Jonouchi and Kaiba have no respect for each other... -.-"

/end short rant/

[Anreyla]

Originally Posted by PoisonXLilly

And yet you ship Bronzeshipping, even though you say Jonouchi and Kaiba have no respect for each other... -.-"

/end short rant/

No, I ship Bronzeshipping as extremely demented psychology fics, not your typical 'lawlfluffz' crap. It's not shipping in the conventional sense, it's Malik being mentally tortured by his own mind, his own insanity.

Puppyshipping, on the other hand, is completely ridiculous, Kaiba and Jounouchi hate each other, Kaiba calls Jounouchi a "bonkotsu no duelist," an average/mediocre duelist, he looks down on him. Respect is pretty key in a relationship, besides, they're both extremely independent, neither would ever accept help from the other, nor would they offer it in the first place. (Not to mention that all the fanfiction for it is fucking terribad)

Also, and this goes to everyone, this is meant to be for ranting about YGO. I figured it'd be obvious since it's under the YGO Discussion Forums and the first post talks about YGO character OOCness, but I feel the need to extrapolate.. This is for Yuugiou~ discussion and ranting. (Though anyone who wants to hear a rant on Twilight can PM me, I could go on forever about that awful series)

[sugar_beets]

Well written bronzeshipping that isn't like "I love you!" is awesome. YMalik wouldn't be able to feel love anyway as he was created out of repressed negative emotions. He could do lust but no way love.

Also, I hate when people write YMalik as this sugar high child. "But he is only 6 years old!" Well technically he did emerge from Malik's psyche 6 years ago but that doesn't mean he is going act like a child. He had bugs eat Mai in her mind for heaven's sake. He isn't a child

[Anreyla]

Originally Posted by sugar_beets

Well written bronzeshipping that isn't like "I love you!" is awesome. YMalik wouldn't be able to feel love anyway as he was created out of repressed negative emotions. He could do lust but no way love.

Also, I hate when people write YMalik as this sugar high child. "But he is only 6 years old!" Well technically he did emerge from Malik's psyche 6 years ago but that doesn't mean he is going act like a child. He had bugs eat Mai in her mind for heaven's sake. He isn't a child

Yeah, he's just a mass of negative emotions, love doesn't really fall in there. I mean, normal Malik is messed up enough-- imagine the mental status you'd have to have to create a split personality. Another thing that bugs me is when people write them as two separate individuals, even without making YMalik a spirit of the Rod(lolol). He's a fragment of Malik, he's not completely independent of Malik, nor is Malik independent of him.

Ugh, that annoys me more than anything. Malik is 16/17, and since YMalik IS Malik, he wouldn't be a sugar high, moronic kid, regardless of when his existence started.

[PoisonXLilly]

@Anreyla: I think it's okay (sometimes, very rarely) to pretend that YMalik is another being. Like, for example, in fanart! If it's really good, it's okay. And if it's in fanfiction, it has to be REALLY good for it to work...

[Anreyla]

Originally Posted by PoisonXLilly

@Anreyla: I think it's okay (sometimes, very rarely) to pretend that YMalik is another being. Like, for example, in fanart! If it's really good, it's okay. And if it's in fanfiction, it has to be REALLY good for it to work...

It's okay in AU Fanfiction, otherwise, hell no, stick to the canon, they're the same person. Fanart is another story entirely, it's all just for fun, it's not supposed to be taken uber-srsly.

[ClumsyCake]

Originally Posted by Anreyla

Hah, wait till you see the one we wrote for her Screamshipping fic... (She also deleted that one! )

 

All writers want constructive criticism, right? Well, allow me to give you some, since this has got to be one of the worst fics I’ve ever read. As a fan of Yuugiou, and of good writing in general, I am offended that you would post something as dreadful as this. Continue reading and I shall explain. Now, before I begin my review, it will be good to keep in mind that I will be referring to the characters with their original Japanese names and personalities, not the ones that the English dub gave them. (Ryou is not British, Jounouchi doesn’t have a Brooklyn accent, Yuugi does not refer to Atem as “Yami,” etc. etc.)

First and foremost, Bakura is completely and utterly OOC, a pattern that seems to traverse all of your fanfics. Bakura would never love ANYONE at all, he’s a being made up mostly of Zorc, the ultimate manifestation of ‘evil’ in the entire Yuugiou universe, he’s not going to fall in love. On top of that, he would never fall in love with someone as spineless and weak as Shizuka, who, by the way, should be running away from him in fear, not socializing with him like he’s not that bad a guy (hence the name: Screamshipping). Another thing, Bakura does not cry, he would not cry, he doesn’t feel things like sadness or regret, he is an inhuman monster, not a hormonal teenage girl. Bakura would not commit suicide because Ryou left, he doesn’t love Ryou, and Ryou definitely does NOT love him. Another thing, Bakura wouldn’t be ’sad’ if Ryou suddenly disappeared-- if Ryou were gone, he’d have full control of the body and wouldn’t have to worry about Ryou fighting against him to save his friends. Oh, and Bakura probably hates Atem more than Ryou hates Bakura, he wouldn’t be calling him for help.

Despite how little he was featured in the fic, Kiaba is another character whose personality you have succeeded in ruining. Kaiba is an intelligent, arrogant businessman, not the cutesy idiot you portray him as. He was mentally and physically tortured by Gozaburo for years, he’s incapable of loving anyone but Mokuba, and even if he did, he’s the CEO of a huge company and a word-class duelist, he wouldn’t have time for a relationship. While we’re on the topic Kaiba and relationships, let’s talk about Puppyshipping.. Say it with me: THEY. HATE. EACH OTHER. There’s no hidden love under the surface, no love-hate relationship, they just DESPISE each other. Kaiba holds no respect for Jounouchi, and vice-versa, and their personalities are completely incompatible to begin with; Kaiba isn’t going to swoop in and ‘save’ Jounouchi, nor would Jounouchi accept his help if he did, they’re both extremely independent.

Also, Shizuka is very OOC in this fic, if you watch the Japanese version of the show, you’ll see that she’s a weak little girl who’s completely dependent on Jounouchi. In Yuugi’s duel against Bakura in Battle City, she was scared of him because of his deck, do you really think she’d approach him so kindly?

And if the way you wrote the other characters was bad, then you completely destroyed Ryou. Ryou does NOT love Bakura, Bakura stole his friends souls and put them into Monster World pieces, then he tried to kill Yuugi and his friends, he constantly takes over Ryou’s body without permission, and wounds him on more than one occasion to get what he wants. Ryou risked his life to save his friends, first in season zero where he shattered his soul on purpose to destroy the dice, so his friends wouldn’t be harmed, and then in season one, he was willing to die to keep Bakura from winning.

As if the complete and utter disregard for how the characters ACTUALLY act wasn’t enough, your writing, in and of itself, is just terrible. The first thing I’d like to mention is that your scene changes definitely need to be reworked; you go from a scene involving Bakura to a scene involving Kaiba with no transition, no divider, nothing, and you act like it’s completely natural. People don’t fall in love in a day the way you write them to; love at first sight does not exist, nor does ‘true love,’ what you write sounds more like a school girl’s crush. I don’t know if you’ve realized this, but you don’t need to put a bunch of ridiculous adjectives in front of every word, it’s unnecessarily wordy, and it makes you sound like an amateur. Your use of similes and metaphors is ridiculous, they’re completely inappropriate for the situations you insert them into, and it only serves to make your writing look more juvenile. Another big issue is that this piece of writing (if it can even be called such) lacks any real plot, it’s just “Bakura’s in love! Shizuka doesn’t love him back, but wait, she does! And Ryou loves him, too!”, hardly a worthwhile read. There’s no timeline, it’s so rushed that it feels like all the events took place in a matter of hours. On top of that, there was no build-up or climax, it just came to an abrupt, and very cliché, stop.

The final issue I want to address is your complete disregard for Yuugiou’s canon lore. Honestly, did you even watch the show, or did you just say “these characters look pretty!” and decide to use them in bad fanfiction? You act like Bakura and Atem can actually remember their past lives in ancient Egypt -- guess what, they can’t, they couldn’t remember anything until the veeeeery end of the series. Oh, by the way, it’s “KUL Elna,” not “CUL Elna.” And even if Bakura did know about his past in ancient Egypt, why would he be telling it to two ignorant little teenagers? Believe it or not, people who suffer trauma DON’T flaunt it around and tell EVERYONE, they keep it to themselves, only telling those they truly and completely trust, and sometimes not even those individuals. And considering the present day Bakura, spirit of the Millennium Ring, is made up mostly of Zorc, he wouldn’t even care about Kul Elna anymore.

And if you’re wondering why I assume you don’t know the canon lore for Yuugiou, there’s no better example than Seto Kaiba’s history as you write it. Kaiba’s parents died in some unknown accident and they were shunned from the rest of the family because of inheritance money, there was no ‘son, you have to protect your little brother!’ they just died. Then they were adopted by Gozauro, who abused Kaiba both physically and mentally; if you’re going to have Kaiba remember his past, make him remember Gozaburo’s abuse.

Since you seem so fond of the terms “yami” and “hikari,” I feel I have to tell you that they’re completely fanon, it’s all made up. They refer to Atem as “the other Yugi,” they refer to Bakura as “the spirit of the Millennium Ring,” and Malik’s split personality as just “Malik.” Ishizu says “The darkness of Malik has awakened,” and that’s the ONLY time “yami” is EVER used to described any of the so-called “yami” characters, and when it is used it means “the darkness of ___,” it’s not used as a name. The term “hikari” is even worse off because it’s NEVER used in canon lore, it’s just a fanon thing made up because “light” and “dark” are opposites.

By the way, Slifer (or as you put it, ‘Slipher’) is NOT an actual Egyptian God, and Atem would not be cursing/praying/whatever-ing to him. The JAPANESE version of Slifer, Osiris, on the other hand, IS an Egyptian God, but you probably wouldn’t know that. One last thing, Shizuka is NOT old enough to be in high school, she’s probably 13, in middle school, not to mention that she lives in another town with her mom. She’s too young to be moving in with a 17-year-old boy (or a three thousand year-old spirit) and definitely too young to be having sex.
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So, in conclusion, maybe you should consider learning how to write the character and understanding their histories better before you post your fanfiction for everyone to see. And if that’s too much to ask for, fine, but if you’re going to write bad fan fiction, at least have the decency to keep it to yourself.

God, i love you both! hahahaha Very nice!
I do agree i hate when i do read a fanfic and the words are misspelled a lot or the characterization of Yugi to Ryou and so on.

Now for my little rant or whatever.


I really don't like any other female in Yugioh but for Anuz and Mai. Reason's being is because the rest of the girls come to like Yugi because of his fame and the king of game's deal. While for Anuz and Mai, they was there before he was anything and knows him for how he really is.
Maybe i am going to deep into this but that's how i think, and i might think he feels the same way. If they wasn't so pushy and all on him and try to at least get to know him maybe then i would open a door for them to take a spot in Yugi's friends list.

[Anreyla]

I don't know, there aren't many women in YGO to begin with. Anzu was his friend before all that stuff started, Mai met then in DK, Ishizu is there because he harbors the Pharaoh's soul.. I guess Rebecca is there because of his title, which, I don't know why 4Kids changed, it was "Duel King" in the Japanese version, and they changed it to "King of Games"... I know that's the SHOW'S name, but come on~...

[sugar_beets]

Originally Posted by Anreyla

I don't know, there aren't many women in YGO to begin with. Anzu was his friend before all that stuff started, Mai met then in DK, Ishizu is there because he harbors the Pharaoh's soul.. I guess Rebecca is there because of his title, which, I don't know why 4Kids changed, it was "Duel King" in the Japanese version, and they changed it to "King of Games"... I know that's the SHOW'S name, but come on~...

Because he wins more games than just Duel Monsters! Like Dungeon Dice Monsters. (In this series anyway) and it is 4Kids. What do you expect?

[ClumsyCake]

Originally Posted by Anreyla

I don't know, there aren't many women in YGO to begin with. Anzu was his friend before all that stuff started, Mai met then in DK, Ishizu is there because he harbors the Pharaoh's soul.. I guess Rebecca is there because of his title, which, I don't know why 4Kids changed, it was "Duel King" in the Japanese version, and they changed it to "King of Games"... I know that's the SHOW'S name, but come on~...

Gotta agree both titles are awesome.

Ishhizu is a cool chick, but that's about it, i don't see her wanting anything else from the gang.
Only reason i put mai in is because she seems to be a good person to me, her back story was that she was along most of her childhood with no parents to love her or friends to talk to. she wants to have that friendship that Yugi and his friends have. so she joins. poor girl.

[Anreyla]

Originally Posted by sugar_beets

Because he wins more games than just Duel Monsters! Like Dungeon Dice Monsters. (In this series anyway) and it is 4Kids. What do you expect?

But he got the title from a Duel Monster's tournament! You can't claim to be King of Games if all you really ever play is Duel Monsters...

[Anreyla]

Originally Posted by ClumsyCake

Gotta agree both titles are awesome.

Ishhizu is a cool chick, but that's about it, i don't see her wanting anything else from the gang.
Only reason i put mai in is because she seems to be a good person to me, her back story was that she was along most of her childhood with no parents to love her or friends to talk to. she wants to have that friendship that Yugi and his friends have. so she joins. poor girl.

Well, Ishizu's an adult, not to mention a member of the Egyptian government, she really doesn't have time to play with kids. Mai's an adult, too, but she plays Duel Monsters, sooo~. XD

[sugar_beets]

Originally Posted by Anreyla

But he got the title from a Duel Monster's tournament! You can't claim to be King of Games if all you really ever play is Duel Monsters...

Because dub!Pegasus says so (I hate to say this but Pegasus is one character that the dub didn't screw over too badly). And he used to play other games until he turned into a self-righteous goody two shoes.