Apology/Explanation

[GcarOatmealRaisinCookies]

To whom this concerns.

To those of you that were here and remember, what I was like before I disappeared from the site a year ago, I’d like to apologize. At that time, I was very angry and frustrated, and was talking out of a lot of different negative emotions. (the level of rage I was feeling would have put HeavyDDR to shame.) I won’t mention more names, because I can’t remember everyone I snapped at, and I was snapping at friend and foe alike. I am truly sorry to those that I hurt with my outbursts just before I left.
I’ve been gone from the site for a year, in that time a lot has happened to me. I played a wargame, spent time with my BF, screwed around on FB and Youtube. For the longest time, I was feeling too hurt and angry to return, despite a few that sought to reach out to bring me back. I was so upset, I went on a spree, de-friending all but a handful of the friends I had here. Around December, someone wanted me to help him with something involving H&V:TFG, and despite promising to log in and help, I just couldn’t bring myself to physically log in and take care of the matter. A few months later, another person tried to befriend me on FB and I became defensive, retreated, and questioned why this person wanted to be friends with me when we had nothing in common but a site I had no interest in returning to. Three nights ago, I was randomly going through YouTube, and I was watching some of the vids that were from some of favorite times on the site. I found myself missing the site a little, so I peeked in as a guest. It was late and nothing much was happening, yet I still could not bring myself to be bothered to retrieve the password for this place. A part of me was worried that I wouldn’t be welcome back here, because of all the things I said and did out of anger before disappearing. So I messaged the person that tried to befriend me, that if he ever wanted to talk, he could message me, anytime on FB, then shut the computer down and went to bed. Two nights ago, I was playing on FB, and a chat window pops up, and it’s a third friend from this place starts talking to me. We started off by complaining about the new feeds, and all the bugs in the apps, but at some point the conversation turned to the YGOTAS site. We’ve had our ups and downs, but this person is probably my best friend on the site, God knows we’re very much alike. I talked to my friend, told him what I was going through, how I was feeling, he let me know that I was missed and probably still welcome on the site. I put the date January 1st for my day to come back, unsure if I needed more time to heal my heart and build up some courage. After my friend had logged out of FB chat, I sat for a few hours thinking and wondering about the site. Again, I was curious, and logged in as a guest to look around. I sat for a few minutes reading a few random posts, before deciding to go through the motions to retrieve my login info, thinking I’d log in for a few minutes and lurk for a while, to see how it goes. After awhile of sitting and watching, I received a few visitor messages from people pleased and surprised I was back. I was feeling awkward and strange being back, however these messages moved me to try a few posts.
I’m a very stubborn and proud person. When my emotions are wound up, it’s hard for me to make sense, and sometimes it takes awhile to realize I’ve done wrong and to apologize for my actions and behavior. I don’t always make it clear when I need help or something’s wrong. Usually, a clear sign something is wrong is when my behavior takes a dip, and goes chaotic. I can’t guarantee that I won’t lose my temper in the future, I just hope those I have hurt with my anger can find it in their hearts to forgive me. If I am guilty of any crime, it is that I lost my temper.

Gcar

PS, I’ve asked the mods to Lock this thread so that those that the message gets to those that know, and isn’t destroyed by those that don’t know and understand.

[JesusRocks]

lock'd